Until the Next Time
by Zaeris
Summary: Squall knows what he is doing is wrong, but he just can't help himself. This time he swears it will be the last time. Oneshot.


I don't own the characters or their world, I just get to play in it.

This came into my head last night and I had to write it just to get it out. Originally I wrote this as more of a poem, but since I don't really write poems and have no intention of starting now, I mixed in some prose lines and this is what came of it. It doesn't let me leave the spacing the way I wrote it, but other than that I think it came out well. Enjoy and please review.

* * *

**Until the Next Time**

_I'm making my way home,_

_Covered in sweat that's not my own,_

_And I keep telling myself, this is the last time._

Squall ran his hand through his chocolate colored locks hoping that nothing in his appearance would give him away. He was coming home late again and Rinoa was sure to be worried about him. He knew it would kill her to know the truth. He didn't want to hurt her so badly, but somehow he couldn't help himself. None of that would matter soon though, he was going to make it up to her.

_She hears the doorknob creak,_

_Hasn't slept a full night in weeks,_

_Her eyes lock on mine,_

_Does she suspect me?_

"Squall, you're late," There's no accusation in her tone just a kind of sadness as she gets up from bed to greet me.

"I had some paperwork to finish, I'm sorry I woke you."

"It's fine, come to bed."

"Yeah, let me take a shower real quick and then I'll be there."

She looks disappointed, but turns to go back to bed. I breath a little easier, until.

"Do you want me to come with you?" She fakes an mischievous grin, her voice shakes with uncertainty. She already knows the answer, but she had to try.

"No, you go on to bed, I'll be right there."

"Okay, Squall."

_I hate to see her sad,_

_Why must pleasure be so bad?_

_My body is covered in love marks,_

_And none of them are hers. _

When I finally make my way into her arms she just holds me close and I can feel her holding back sobs.

"Promise you'll come home on time tomorrow."

"Rin, you know I have responsibilities that I can't control."

She bites her lip in the darkness. It doesn't matter that I can't see it, I know thats what she does. She was silent for a long time. Just before I drifted off she spoke.

"Is there anything you need to tell me?"

I've know the words were coming, but somehow hearing them was still surreal. I considered just ignoring them and pretending to sleep. She deserved better, I know, but she had me, and there was only so much I could do.

"Get some rest Rin, I'll try to be on time tomorrow."

_Next morning I feel sore,_

_Soon I won't feel that anymore,_

_Because everything will be fine,_

_Last night was the last time._

Going through the motions of the day was excruciating for me. Usually I get through it by thinking of what will come after all the work is done. Today I have no such diversion. I can't go back anymore, I need to accept that my life is with Rinoa and try to make her happy.

Rinoa seems surprised to see me on time. She actually jumped with fright when I came through the door. Then her smile returned in earnest and I knew I'd done the right thing. We have dinner together and watch a movie. I'm not even paying attention to what goes on in the movie because I'm so focused on her. I have to keep focusing, can't let my attention wander. Not even for a second.

Next thing I know we're in bed. I do my best to make it good for her, it doesn't matter that it's not what I want. Tonight it's all about her. From now on I'll be faithful and finally deserve to be loved the way she loves me. Afterwards I hold her while she sleeps. This is how it should be, how it has to be.

_Next night the urge gets strong,_

_She hasn't been asleep very long,_

_I curse myself for being weak,_

_Then rouse from the bed for what I seek. _

I pull my boots on quietly. I can't wake her up, there is no way I could ever explain myself. The whole way there I'm cursing myself, telling myself to go back home. I can't though, don't even really try.

_He answers my first knock_

_I step inside and the door gets locked. _

_He knew I'd be coming back, _

_I commit my sin again, and it feels so good._

Afterwards Seifer holds me close, but doesn't say anything. I'm glad that he's quiet for once, I couldn't take his gloating over the fact that he'd been right about it not being the last time. Finally I get up and begin to gather my clothes and now he looks mad because he knows I'm leaving.

"Squall, just stay, she's gotta know what's going on."

"You know I can't."

"Yes, you could. You're just being selfish. Leading us both on like this, It's bullshit Leonhart and you know it."

"No Seifer, I mean I can't come back."

"I've heard that before, one of these times I'm not gonna let you back in."

I study him carefully, would he really do that? Then I frown because it shouldn't matter, I don't plan on coming back. I have to start over and be faithful to Rinoa. She is the one I'm with.

"I'm sorry Seifer."

"Asshole," he shouts, throwing a boot at me. It only nearly misses my head and I turn and leave, pulling the door shut behind me.

_Again I make my way home,_

_My fate is still unknown,_

_Cuz, I just can't make it_

_be the last time. _

Once again I try to compose myself outside the door to my apartment. I'm making promises in my mind to be faithful once more. I'm not sure if I even believe my own words, but I open the door anyway and step inside. Everything is still dark and for a moment I think I've gotten away with it, then I open the bedroom door and see Rinoa up waiting for me her features illuminated by the bedside lamp.

_She's sitting up in bed,_

_Her eyes are wet and red,_

_I know it's all my fault,_

_another lie goes in the vault._

"Squall, where did you go?"

"I forgot something at the office, did I wake you?"

"You forgot something that couldn't wait until morning."

"Yeah, I know it's stupid, but I couldn't sleep so I went to take care of it."

I see her bite her lip this time and I know the words are coming.

"Is she prettier than me?" A fresh set of tears start falling as the words leave her lips and I'd do anything to make them stop.

"Rin, what are you talking about? You know you are the only girl I would want to be with."

I move forward and put my arms around her. She resists, but only for a minute. She wants to believe me so badly. Still sobbing hysterically she recounts all the times I've been late or acted suspiciously and demands explanations. I tell her the same thing over and over, it was all for work and I'm sorry. Eventually she calms down and lets me hold her again. That had been too close a call. I vow that this was really the last time.

_I don't know if she buys in, _

_But she goes to sleep again,_

_And I lay here telling myself_

_this was the last time. _

_This was the last time, __until the next time._

**The End**

My first FF8 Story, please leave a review and tell me how I did.

-ZE


End file.
